Sorry. Chris Martin is cute
#suck my newts
I’m proud of Lars because he’s such a great metal visionary and whether or not people want to admit it, he’s made a very great impact on metal music
My favorite part about being in the military is knowing that my significant other is almost certainly cheating on me while I am thousands of miles away, helpless, exhausted, and lonely. The seemingly limitless sadness and dread that I feel at all times because of this knowledge is a sort of atonement for the lives that I have taken.
I desire to be drunk, always
When I worked at CVS there was this blonde girl who came up and was buying all this makeup and stuff and when I read her her total she was like, “being beautiful is hard,” and there was like a two second pause where she backpedaled like, I didn’t mean that, I’m not shallow or anything I just… and I said yeah no I know what you mean, makeup is expensive and awww she was so cute
#like father like son i guess lol
#his dad is an awesome great man
I’m in the bathroom in my boyfriend’s house and I hear this 80s synth-pop coming from the kitchen so I go to check it out, and his Dad’s standing in front of the oven shirtless with his shorts on listening to this music and my boyfriend comes into the kitchen from the garage and he’s also shirtless wearing his boxers and I just walked away laughing at the image that’s forever burned into my memory
"Getting to first base" means reading The Old Testament. "Getting to second base" means reading The New Testament. There are no other bases.
|Bro:||How is this attractive?
|Bro:||twerking. She poops from there
"Fucking cock-ninja! Pussy smuggler!!"